Insane Difficulty: Choose Your Poison - Insane Difficulty

Greetings to all, and to all a Happy Birthday or whatever. This is your imaginary Internet friend, Bastard Poetry, here today with a rather large assortment of words and commas and such that I, with the help of my trusty Electronic Button-Pushing Thing (EBPT), intend to manually translate onto the screen for your cyber-viewing pleasure. I’m going to assume that anyone reading this article is a fan of challenges. I am as well, so I will use the word “we” when referring to the actions and experiences of gaming masochists from here on out. If you do not like challenges, mentally proofread this article by inserting the words “superior badasses” after every instance of the word “we” and its constituents.

For millions of years, humans have come up with inventive ways to make their video games more challenging. From rearranging those little gold pins in an NES cartridge, just to see if the resulting glitches produced crazy fun times, to spending thousands of dollars on programming language classes, simply to learn how to add some sort of acid-spewing mob (that spawns by the hundreds) to Minecraft, our glorious race has proven time and again that we have way too much time on our hands. What is it about game difficulty that drives us to such obsession? When we were in middle school, selecting the hardest difficulty setting in the Option Menu was a way of showing our friends that it was never, in fact, just a banana in our pockets, but what justification do we have, as mature, rational adults, for doing something that makes us gnash our teeth into a fine powder? The answer, of course, is the E-Penis, and that is substantially greater than any noble pursuit I can think of at the moment.

Although, for me, and I’m sure many others, there’s more to it. There’s a certain blend of adrenaline, serotonin, gelatin and mescaline that sweeps through our skulls when we accomplish some ridiculous feat of hand-eye coordination. I can’t describe the feeling too well, so send me some money to help encourage my thought process if you really need that description. Nine out of ten doctors say that addictions start because of some sort of stimulus that alters the chemical milieu of the brain, and this can apply to visual stimuli just as much as ingested substances. If we view video game difficulty as an addiction, one that can have a certain resistance built up over time, it makes perfect sense that we’d advance beyond “Hard Mode” and onto to “l33t H4X MOOOOODE!!!1!!”

On a /note, one out of ten doctors is a fucking prude who doesn’t know how to live.

Let’s explore the varying shades of our addiction, shall we? I’ll go from the basics of game difficulty, such as “Hard Mode” and its general pleasantries, to the really impressive feats of Insane Difficulty and its accompanying E-Rections. Then, I’ll move up the figurative ladder toward what I like to call Ludicrous Difficulty, where many of us strive to claim the ultimate achievement of rubbing some figurative IT into some figurative NOOB’S figurative fucking FACE. I’ll try to organize these things in a way that makes perfect sense to myself, regardless of how any of you might classify your gaming experiences.

HARD DIFFICULTY – This is what I think of when the game has a higher setting in the Options Menu or something. The player may be assaulted by a larger number of enemies and/or projectiles, the player may take more damage, etc. Depending on the game, it may not actually make things that much harder. On the other hand, the hardest setting really can test our mettle—007 Mode in Goldeneye 64 comes to mind. I struggled with that one toward the end. I think I played through that train level millions or perhaps dozens of times.

When I searched for a good example of Hard difficulty in action, I found this Contra III video that, from everything I can tell, doesn’t look all that bad.



It seems to me like increased enemy counts and projectiles don’t amount to much when you have a gun that fires giant red balls in five directions at high speeds. Then again, I’ve never played that game, so what do I know? I only watched the first minute or so. However, my main point is that I’ve already started pointing my elitist nose away from simple feats such as this, and that’s just the sort of attitude we want as we ascend on this quest.

Addiction Rating: Caffeine. It’s nice to get your heart rate moving.


INNATE DIFFICULTY – These are the games that don’t give you an option to control the difficulty. They may start off easy, but they almost always ramp up the difficulty with each level in ways that could either be subtle, improving our skills as we go, or exponential, as in “holy fucking hell level 7 came out of fucking nowhere!” I put these games into two categories: the ones that involve complex movements or actions late-game, and the ones that make you spend a month agonizing over some puzzle solution. Actually, I can think of a third kind as well. Here, I’ll go ahead and name them:

“Ice Level” – The game that was smooth sailing until that ONE FUCKING LEVEL. The level doesn’t even have to involve ice—Battletoads’ speeder bikes come to mind. But here’s a simple example from an under-appreciated classic:



“Brain Melter” – The game that suddenly stops all of your progress and general fun with some sort of ridiculous puzzle. These are the worst when they occur in action games, because the change of pace is almost worse than the puzzle itself, but good puzzle games (emphasis on the word “good”) can really fuck your shit up—sometimes for months. (Keep in mind, I’m using NES games here because, ahem, back in MY DAY, we didn’t have these fancy Internets and Gamefaqs and cheater-guides!)



“Stupid Difficulty” – This one especially applies to the NES era—back when difficulty came from forcing players to have an advanced degree in deciphering 8-bit hieroglyphics. If you haven’t been watching any of the example vids so far, you must, at the very least, watch this one. Ye fucking gods, man.



Addiction Rating: Nicotine. It may be painful at times, but it’s not like it will kill you or anything.

INSANE DIFFICULTY – These are the games, modified games, or self-imposed challenges within games that are *technically* possible, even if they often do not seem like it. Archael’s FFT v1.3 is obviously well-situated in its new titular site, as there are numerous instances—especially in Chapter 4, the sidequests and the Deep Dungeon—when all hope seems so utterly lost—yet someone out there has a triumphant video on YouTube that exists solely to make you hate yourself and continue your self-abuse. You know what I mean: “So it IS possible! …God damn it.” This category has all of the classics we know and love: I Wanna Be the Guy, Kaizo Mario, etc.
The furthest extent of INSANE DIFFICULTY, in my mind, is where the “technically possible” crosses the threshold and enters into “astronomically possible.” FFT is my basis for all challenges, so I’m immediately thinking of the True Calc SCC, Thief/Mediator/Knight SSCC’s, most 1.3 SCC’s, etc. It’s not so much a question of “Is it possible?” as it is a question of “Do I have a lot of spare time and hatred for myself?”
Another question you have to ask yourself when crossing that line: “Was I born and raised in Japan?” That makes a substantial difference in how “astronomical” astronomical really is.



Addiction Rating: Cocaine. We really should quit doing this shit, but.. But..


LUDICROUS DIFFICULTY – Definitely impossible, but some people try it just to try it. I think this falls into two categories as well: those challenges that are impossible, but some idiot out there with Asperger’s and something to prove will argue until the end of time that it is possible (and will likely attempt it until said time), and those challenges that are only suggested to make us laugh. The former could be something like a Mime SSCC in 1.3, and the latter could be something like.. attempting to play Hi Ho Cherry-O with only 2 cherries on the board. I have no idea about that last one. I haven’t played that game since I was 3. Maybe it is possible?

Addiction Rating: Heroin. I’ve seen Trainspotting and Requiem for a Dream. You’ll never see me doing it.

So that is how I categorize game difficulty. It may not be a complete list, as it seems to me as though other ideas and games are nudging at my brain stem as I type, but I’m too busy typing to pay any attention to them. I’m sure there are other difficulty modes, addiction ratings and so on and so forth that I could have added to this article, but that’s what the forum is for: DISCUSSION! How do you view your own addiction? I’ll let you kids talk it over for awhile. I have to go purchase a Hi Ho Cherry-O set now.

Click here to view the article

Good job!

This is a great read, now it's on front page again so everyone can see it