ronlyn

The end of CH3 is nigh and you can bet you ass I'm gonna go out with style

I knew I shouldn't have made that phoenix wright reference

"......."

"And you want to know why? Because I own you and your phony brother.....You two are a complete waste of space in this world and I gave you a reason to live.....Now, tell me, do you wish to attack me?"

"She's can't, but I would do it with pleasure"

"Malak, W-What are you doing here?"

"Well, there is no point hinding it from you: Yes, both of you were my dolls all these years and I would have control of Ivalice if your little sister wasn't that stubborn with that black and white mentality. But don't worry, I will put an end to her insubordination"

"Rafa, WATCH OUT!!!!!!!!!"

*Is heavily implied he got shoot in the face*

"Oh crap, I know where this is going. Now, just step back slowly and-"

"dammit"

"Do it now or I will fill her body with hot iron"

Squidward for the left with amazing speed and grabs the ball, tresspass all defenses and going in with a dunk.........

BOOM SHAKALAKA!!!!

"Elmdor!! You seems....quite unique now"

"I know right? this new haircut is just too much for the señoritas"

"Fuck that noise: By this point I'm pretty sure another disaster went down just because she was kidnapped"

"Brother's love in all it's finest"

"Shut it you"

So today's map......IS DANG EASY. In fact, I got a five steps plan to get dispose of everyone while getting awesome stuff:

1) Use Rafa's Seismic Wave and chip down their HP so one of the inevitably use chakra on the other

2) Then put someone with low magic damage reduction near (Mustadio is perfect for that) so he gets targeted, while someone apply reflect

3) Go in and steal Elmdor's armor since he gets Holy absorption so he gets pelt down with heals and such 

4) Kill everyone but on squid and put it to sleep or something

5) Have fun

In other news: WHY I CAN'T STEAL YOUR STUFF!?!?

Ripperoni, rest in ravioli you filthy casual

Ehh, I will probably take a stroll around the place before even think about it

Ohhh stop being dramatic: He just got shot in the head. I'm pretty sure Oersted was even impaled by a lance and he's dandy

I would joke about this whole situation but this is just too jarring to watch. Take notes people: When you have a fantasy world where death it's a slap in the hand, at least make sure when someone die that said person expired because of an extreme wound or explosion. #RuleOfRPG's

"Rafa....I think is time to go"

"Yeah...... your brother would like you to live as a homeless hipster in the wildness"

"You ALWAYS have to be a dick, don't you?"

"I wouldn't do this if all of you would think at least for a second"

"YOU''RE JUST A EXILED GUY WHO NOW WANT TO REPAIR THIS COUNTRY WITHOUT KNOWING A THING ABOUT IT, SO STOP BEING SO PRETENTIOUS AND SHUT UP!!"

"..................."

"Now, Rafa please let us go out of here and- What are you doing with that stone?"

"My brother.......I need him back......"

"Wait, Rafa DON'T-"

Well........that's certainly new

"Your sister decided to use a diabolus ex-machina that convert everyone who use it so far into some abomination on you so she wouldn't be alone in this world"

"......WHAT?!?"

"I hope you enjoy your new boobs"

*LATER*

"............."

"I don't know how to put it, but I was floating in a sky, near a white door which open. Just when I was about to enter, an voice came out of nowhere and told me to go back to my loved ones"

"These stones....they just cast miracles to those with strong desires without any discrimination. If this world was cleanse for evil, perphaps......No, if this world NEEDS this power to flourish, maybe we are less worthy to exist here than I thought"

 

And with that, the twins have join our crew. I also got a Jelly but fuck that noise, I don't want a snack 

Oersted is the embodiment of "You can't touch this" while Agrias decides to cosplay Ovelia of all things

Learned Skills:

=Oersted=

<Chemist>
Sturdy: Survives a mortal attack with 1 hp (The more hp you have, more chances you have to trigger it)
 

"Alma, what did I told you about walking aimless?"

"HA! this isn't my first time dealing with the undead, What's the worst that could happen?"

Uhh Oersted....You might want to go and check your sight, because these guys aren't joking around (Also, good job eating dirt as soon the first one moved Alma, I always knew I could count on you)

 

Some first time players would dismiss the danger and think this is just a field trip to those with healing magic. That is until we compare said goblins with say....Mustadio, and find out they outspeed him by TWO POINTS.

So yeah, Emmy added a new flag called "Evil Brand". Said brand has the amazing property to grant it's user +2 PA/MA/Speed and Innate: Undead. To give you an idea how frigging nightmare fuel is this whole situation: Velius had 14 speed and could run circles around my units and pack some punch. But he was one.....and you could land don't move to suppress the annoying factor. Not so much luck here since not only we don't have the resources to outspeed said bastards (meaning: THEY'RE GETTING THE FIRST TURN NO MATTER WHAT) but also the fact that you fight SIX OF THEM, turning this into a massacre if you don't know what to do and go YOLO to your death.

(For the record, I lost six time before this footage came out. And all those game overs happen in the lapse of fifteen minutes. Yeah)

first off, let's have reraise on all my dudes for good measure (#StigmataIsUnderrated)

And now let just watch as my plan almost got foiled because those dicks decided to focus on the one I need alive (Good thanks Bezekiras have good physical evade)

Silent Lucidity has the nice feature of not only sleep them but also avoid their healing factor via Cone of Cold

Not that this solves the problem of getting hit yourself with it

BTW, Moogle+Sacred Boost kind of destroys them

Sunlight will see "the light of day" in my repertory......maybe....eventually......nah

Upping dat magic to get shit done quick

Tactical Nuke by Arioch and Oersted eats a bullet so he can be killed (88 damage looks low right? that's because Oersted reduces all physical damage received by 45% via his armor, otherwise that harmless punch would have done around 160-180 damage. Yup, don't waste any time here)

More shenanigans from my end and done with this pain of a fight

"Could you stop getting kidnapped? If you keep going, you will catch up with frigging

Peach!!!"

"Awww......I knew you had a soft side on you, Oersted."

"Shut up boobs, I'm talking with my sister here"

"......"

"OH SHIT, give me a sec"

"Technically.......they cannot die"

"WHAT?!? BUT WE KILL ONE WITH SIMON!!!"

"Ohh that shambling skeleton? I killed the real deal waaaay back when I was escorting Ovelia and her brainless guard"

"Hey, show some more respect: I was able to rescue AND lead her back to the castle and ok, I didn't know Draclau was evil, but that isn't the case here!!!"

"Ohhh sorry, my fault. Ovelia and her USELESS guard"

".......You know? I hate you sometimes"

"You're welcome"

"Like hell I'm letting you go with my sister without a fight!!!"

"Ohhh you? I have something prepared for you.......LOOK, THERE'S DELITA"

"Heh, like I would fall for tha-"

"AND HE'S TAKING A SWORD FROM THE GROUND"

"WHERE!?!?!?"

"TA-DA" *dissapears*

"Good going, hero"

"Just shut up and follow me"

"Oersted, where in hell are you?"

"OH CRAP, He got covered in ketchup!!"

Stop being a wuss: You just lost half your face and you're pouring blood from ALL your orifices you big baby

What you expect: "Okay Alma, get a hold of yourself and think: Maybe I should wait here for my brother or search for someone in the castle to escort me out or  jump off the window into that pond back on the front OR make use of my magic and just outright mow everything in my way to the backdoor....."

What happens: "Ehh, I'm gonna walk aimless across this whole mess and hope for the best" 

Alma Beoulve: Not exactly the sharpest tool in the shelf 

Ramza got captain planet's message and Agris is going Ninja for the lulz

Learned Skills:

=Agrias=

<Thief>
Anger Point: Does double damage when hp is critical

<Ninja>
Boomburst: Attacks the target's weakness. Bypass defense

=Oersted=

<Squire>
RNG Guard: All non 100% rpocs/skills are ignored by this unit (AKA "Screw you, RNGJESUS")

 

You know shit it's about to get real when the game show you this prompt

"You should also seek out my execution barracks, they are quite mesmerizing"

Okay Vormav, I think we can all agree at this point that even Malak knows that those stones are real, so stop that ass pull right there (-_-)

Molbar Virus is a code for "Oersted kick him out of existence"

"What a nice and warming father-son moment, but I don't care about that. Just give me the stones"

"Ahh, Balbanes last son has finally arrive.....Seize him"

"I see....Then let's get this party started, shall we?"

"Izlude, I want you to trust your father just this one out, okay?"

"Okay.....What do you want from me?"

"Survive"

And thus, Vormav decided to use his secrets stash of firecracker to start the night...Oh and he turned into a demon and completely annihilate everyone in the room 

rocking on with the B-team

Of course Malak: He will hold his end of the bargain

"I don't like to spoil the fun, but you are REALLY DUMB if you think I will gladly give up my life just now"

"Let us see if you keep that snarky personality after I smack you with my claws!!!"

This whole place spells danger: Unlike in vanilla, going in and dispose of everything will net you a very death team, so better grab everyone's ass and hightail to the corner ASAP 

The general consensus to deal with this place is teamwork: Agrias and Xipha are there to shut down as many threats they can before going down, Othelos and Oersted are there to support and Ovelia's hides because she's a panic button (Who's Rafa?) 

(I didn't shot a wall with Agrias, a morbol was hidding there and I failed to notice him until I check the unit list after the battle started) 

AI shenanigans: Othelos got pelted with holy and triggered synchronize. Since said ability apply with the status effects on the unit BEFORE ending the turn, that dragon has essentially buff himself for free while hitting Othelos with slow and don't act via static since grudge activated. Talking about being a spirited bitch 

Ovelia buff Agrias before slap Rafa's ass to activate this cutscene: 

So yeah: Malak is so useless that he doesn't even care about dealing with us if her sister so happen to get hurt enough. #ThugLife 

Stuff happens and Oersted decides to follow the pacifist path 

Not that he knows how to actually play the harp but it's the through that counts 

Monster Heal!!! 

After a while, Oersted decides that the power of love is bullshit and goes back his old ways 

This is not by any stretch won: Even when they're confused, they somehow managed to cripple my plans several times

Finally, after being left with these critters, I realized I did a fatal mistake: I lack someone who can bypass their horrendous defenses (those robots have 61/40 PA/MA damage reduction for example) 

And this is me prologing the battle for about five minutes just because of that mistake (Still better than 1.3 by a mile)

"Hey, I'm a citizen like you!!"

"Not you jackass....there's an abomination....with the form...of a sheep......BLARG"

"Oh crap, I hope it is NOT who I think it is"

And done with this crapsack. I must admit, I had to redo this one twice just because going on the offensive at all is quite hard since they got that on spades while having good supports, so better tank those blows and disable at least the dragons to avoid future ragequits.

There is something funny about battles in woods in this game: They're all annoying

"(Hey Agrias, Why is she talking medieval all of the sudden?)"

"(Ehh, maybe she's one of those weirdos who actually read the script)"

Since Augestein have probably complain enough about them, I will just reforce his opinion: Dealing with these snoots is quite annoying since the only ways to inflict actual damage will be block by them, so better bring AoE spellcasters (Or a mime if you know how to properly use them)

You can bet your ass all those Ghosts/Remnants will go a throw at you as soon as the word go

Good thing that even with a handicap, Oersted is a one-punch man at this point

I had debuffers before, but no one can do the status game as good as Ovelia: Bad touch can set up things so they pile-drop on her and trigger her Effect Spore which is borderline broken in the right situation

It doesnt help that that Confusion/Defense ignoring damage is the way to go against these walkers and I just got those on spades

Uhhh.......I can arrange you two a room if you want, you know?

Dangit. Now I need to switch into plan B

plan Blow them up confirmed (BTW, Payback is dark elemental so take advantage of that)

Good thing decay also has the side effect of cockblock all kind of buffs to enemy units

If you want a good advice, please just bring one between Oersted and Agrias with item: those rubber hammers exist for a reason

Alternatively, you can do like me and forget why you did bring out said unit in the first place and waste a turn

I haven't mention this, but of course this is clearly a race against time: Those Blood Jellies are damage sponges who only purpose is to prolong this battle so the reviving via undead properties occurs and you get surrounded by units you had dispatch turns ago (even worse since by now your units must have taken quite a beat without including the nasty undead status)

Since I had enough of this crap, bad bracelet stops any kind of comeback on this side of the barn

And Boco goes for the kill

YOU DON'T SAY!!!!!

Overall, I think this is rather good to teach some players about an important fact: It doesn't matter if you have the perfect plan for every single battle,if you can't adapt you're worm food...Or as I like to say: GIT GUD OR DIE

(Before you ask: No, Emmy modify potions so they can't hurt the undead, otherwise this would have been the scenario:

After escape from their persecutors, Oersted and friends are now inside a aqueduct. Never mind the fact in this era that kind of stuff didn't exist at all (And don't come off with an Ass Pull like "this a mythical land" because bathroom are anything but mythical)

"This is a long story. Do you wanna hear it anyways?"

"On second though, I-"

"Malak, why did you bring kidney again?"

"Because deal with it, or you rather prefer some nice and fresh balls?"

"So...you're ninjas?"

"We are a legendary clan of warrior that excels at forgotten arts that invoke the powers of nature"

"So.....you're MAGIC ninjas then?"

"We are not-Just shut up and listen"

"Except that you didn't achieve anything aside of discuss with your brother, get slapped for your troubles and end up with our merry group"

"You know what? Enough about talking of my life's fairs"

So...Oersted just doesn't stop until justice is served? 

Ohhh darn: Another one is falling to his charms. Quickly, we need a plot, right now

"......Pfff, HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!"

"Wha.....WHAT IS SO FUNNY!?!?"

"Of all the things you can choose to send a message to the enemies to inflict them with fear and despair, you choose Renne the frog?"

"JUST HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING!!!"

"Brother, please reconsider before you do something you'll regret"

"And what is exactly you're gonna do to archive that? Blow up this place to pieces?

"You just HAD to open you mouth, doesn't it?"

"keep it quiet: You're suppose to be just another unit at this point"

"hear me well: I'm getting my own guild and I will travel across this whole goddamn place"

"Yeah,yeah. Just grab the things and follow my lead"

"One day Agrias.......one day....." 

Last time, Oersted and pals got into a skirmish and remove them from existence just because of their insolence

"Oersted....you must use the pants......"

"Ohhhh shut it you freak"

"Having troubles thinking straight, ehh?"

"hmm?"

"Do I really need to answer that?"

"Touche"

"But you can, I don't know, send off assassins to butcher them and be on your merry way OR if that just proof to be hard, just call out your troop and ambush them when they try to come at you"

 "Yeah.....this whole war is inevitable"

"Just....grab this card and give it to someone callled Orlandu"

"Olan.....take the card......"

"AHHHH, HOW THE HELL ARE YOU?!?"

"I'm Orlandu"

"Why are you here if you're not death?"

"Because my son needs me and I'm doing everything in my power to help"

"....That doesn't explain anything abou-"

"Just shut up and follow the script"

"I'll take it to him if you don't mind"

"What the-......what are you doing?!?!"

"Giving up the scriptures, why?"

"Are you drinking stinky water? How you expect to save Alma without it?"

"Yeah, because those assassins will CLEARLY hold their end of the bargain"

"And you REALLY think they won't just kill her that if you throw said book into Olan's property?"

"Master.....are you sure is a good plan to leave that rogue on the loose?"

"Nope. I'm 100% sure this won't bite me in the ass years later. Now....where I left my book?"

It's time to blow off some critters

Learned Skills:

=Agrias=

<Priest>
Reraise
Protect
Shell
Sacred Boost

"That lamp didn't have a genie inside of it"

"And why did that boy scream and took it from me, huh?"

"Maybe because you fucking stole that from him!!!"

"Why are you so thickhead? He's manipulating us!!!"

(IT'S HEAVILY IMPLIED THAT HE'S BITCH SLAPPING HER)

"Why do I have the feeling this will turn into ANOTHER dumb plot and I won't be able to escape from it?"

"Ohh shusssh woman, it will be fun!!!"

This is outright pitiful compare to the last battle: Those birds are annoying until you figure out both geomancy and throw are pretty effective against them, and while the other three are  juggernauts on their own, they will fall when the battle becomes six against three 

Our first victim decides to open the battle with a failed charm, while Agrias prepares the sandbagging

TROLOLOLOLO 

"And this is important because....."

"Nothing. I just wanted to point that out for emphasis"

 

Ahhh Geomancy: When everything else fails, just use it and laugh on their faces

Darvos decides to just stick into quick everything on his range (sad I know), while Arioch does his best before kicking the buck

And he wasn't joking in that regard. Malak will toss himself into the fire if he sees the chance to hit multiple targets. Of course, this also means he's all alone without any supports

GET SNIP-

Okay. Nevermind

After getting confused, one of Malak subordinates decides that the best way to snap out someone is to attack him, which of course ends up in a horrible manner (props for trying though)

Agrias dies with rough skin, which would be bad if I didnt predicted that and positioned her ass on range of Rafa's Fairy spell

One must wonder why they even try in the first place

Unlike our last time, Malak and his goons each had his own agenda, meaning that I will delete each one without someone else coming to his help most of the time

I'm starting to change my mind about geomancy in general: This is just too insane to pass out

MONSTER HEAL!!!

Please, just stop

And away he goes

Since I didnt blow up something, let me add this fine piece of work to my museum to end this

And Oersted Harem got upgraded to a human, a squid and a dragon that day. Overall, I think Malak should learn how teamwork is done: all his units are disjointed and I got the easiest of times once his birds were wasted for the count. At the very least he thrashed my for like, one turn so yay him. 

Oersted and Co. decides to follow his leader stupid plan and go inside the fray for no apparent reason outside of "because plot"

Learned Skills:

=Agrias=

<Samurai>
No Guard: All abilities done or take by this unit that are subject to evasion have 100% hit

=Oersted=  

<Ninja>
Mold breaker: Ignores Reflect,Concealment,Abbandon,Runic,Wallchange,Blade Grasp and Bulletproof effects

<Oracle>
Persuade: Adds Don't Act (Single Target)
Insult: Adds Berserk (Single Target)

<Summoner>
Silf: Wind elemental (AoE 2, Adds Faith if target's absorbs Earth)

 

Ohh look, it's a welcome party!! (Said no one ever in  RPG's)

"Okay then, let's go everyone" *tries to walk away*

"W-Wait a sec!! Why you're not trying to catch us?"

"Uhh....Because I really don't know who you are and I don't care either way?"

Ehh, he's just crazy. Let's go Oer-

........WHY IN HELL ARE YOU UNINTENTIONALLY IMPLYING THAT YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH ALL THIS!?!?!?

Good going smartass: Now we have to mow our way thought these critters because you can't just shut your mouth like Agrias did like twenty or so battles ago

You should be careful here: Every single monster here is capable of revive/heal/restore all the allies on the field, so going LEEROY JENKINS on their asses will prove rather painful

For starters, those Taijus won't stop healing, meaning that Sunlight will be on the loose and any direct attack will prove to be futile in the long run. Just stick to status effects

And this is me CLEARLY following my own advice

Since status effects are key here, I just kit both Oersted and Agrias to be the perfect supports: Oersted being able to Sleep/Berserk anything MP free and Agrias having the touch of death via Seal evil augment with the newly bought No Guard

Mustadio and a fellow Dragon re-enact Romeo & Juliet with the expected ending

Juliet is not happy about it

Something to noted is that despite the fact I got half their forces under Confusion/Petrify, they still got the upper hand since all they need to use is a well put esuna to fix that and both Oersted and Mustadio were currently taking a dirt nap

GET SNIPE'D

I just love when the enemy just outright ignore any kind of logic and use a buff with a big AoE and Range IN FRONT OF IT'S TARGET

And thus, I won by default: Every single unit of their side is either stuck with Stop/Don't act/Sleep or Petrify for good

the only thing left to do is watch as they fall like tower of cards (Also, have a look at Silf's summon boosted with Mold breaker, is completely useless against enemies who can heal dozens of HP in a second)

Even Xypha get her/his tentacles dirty 

and down they go

Don't be such a dick: At the very least they didn't have a fake death and return to get their asses kicked......THREE TIMES IN A ROW 

Last time, Oersted and Co. decided to go YOLO and run straight into a trap because plot. In the meanwhile, Delita and Ovelia had been doing their own sub-plot

"Want me to give you some love? Or perhaps you're up to some action with my little friends here?"

Someone got a little salty here

"I was born to be just a token...A war trophy who would be entrusted to the most powerful. I even wonder if my real parents wanted me..." 

"So...I am half-squid?"

"NOT THAT, YOU DUMB BROAD!!!"

Said every single vice-president ever

Awkward hug ensues and so our first and only lovebirds are born 

I took a little longer than usual just because I wanted to all my monsters to catch up. And as you cans see you can grab some broken stuff right of the bat at randoms. I didnt grab any of those

I did however, took this little fella over here to replace Murglis just because the poor jelly was a filler at this point

Oersted and Agrias coming back showcasing some new classes here:

Learned Skills:

=Agrias=

<Monk>
Chakra
Mind Shield
Stigma Magic

<Dragoon>
Seal Evil
Leg Aim
Arm Aim
Blind 2
Chainsaw

<Samurai>
Asura: Fire elemental attack (AoE 2, Vertical 3)
Bizen Boat: Dark elemental attack (AoE 2, Vertical 3)
Kotetsu: Mp damage (AoE 2, Vertical 3)
Murasame: Heals Hp (AoE 2, Vertical 3)

=Oersted=

<Oracle>
Petrify
Dispel Magic

<Ninja>
Throw Bolt/Ice/Fire: Elemental attack (Range 6, blocked with bulletproof )
Coin Toss: Deals damage equal to PA
Smoke Bomb: Adds Transparent/Defend to target 

I would mash together both messages or just point out Oersted being dumb once again but meh

"Agrias, are you seeing them too?"

"Yup"

QUICK: HIDE YOUR COWS!!!!

Today's match is against Olmar's friends: Pikmins (I know is really WTF material, but just follow me on this one) . These things are pretty well know as those annoying things that are on par with chocobos in terms of sheer annoyance. Stomp them before they can actually do that

Sleep,Confusion,Silence or Death Sentence. Pick one of those

#FeedbackIstheNewSelfDestruction

Red Bull: Gives you Wings!!!! (But really, dafuck are doing those guys)

In general, your best bet is debuffing everything here and just kill everything one at the time

And done with the trash. Sorry for this one being so empty, but I guess they didn't even stand a chance

On my way to the advance classes

Learned Skills:

=Oersted=

<Thief>
Steal Heart: Adds Charm to target

=Agrias=

<Holy Knight>
Holy Explosion: Linear AoE Holy elemental attack (Proc: Blood Suck...I don't know either)

"You can have it"

"And you better not- Wait, are you giving me the deal?"

"Yup, just helping a bro"

"Well, this went pretty smoo-............Why you gave me a porn magazine?"

"Ohhhh......So you didn't came for that?"

"No, I just wanted that old and busted book you just got earlier......."

"................."

"...............Carry on..."

Let's mosey

I just have one comment to resume my whole experience here *ahem*..........FUCK.THOSE.SUCCUBUS: Even though two Goblins and a Black tiamat (Racists.....Racists everywhere) are on the loose, these bitches will ruin the party rather soon with their nigh-impossible to avoid AoE Charm, and even if you don't deal with that, they are a pain to dispose of since they have mp switch. Dispose of them at once

Oersted performs a song so horrible that Agrias went to watch Twilight ti get it out of her mind

Then Malak goes and dispose himself out by a rather cartoonish double flar star from Zelda herself 

Moxie + Tail Glow: a nasty surprise to anything dumb enough to attack the poor thing

Boco goes for the kill while Oersted choose a painful death by food poisoning on poor Teteus

Way over the top explosion!!!!

AAAAAAAAAnd now I look silly

Since Agrias is the only one inmune to DAT ASS, she gets the final blow

"Or we could just wait for them to come since is obviously a trap"

"AS I SAID AGRIAS: We don't have a choice but jump straight into it"

.................Can someone tell me why he's the leader again?

Last time, our hero did his best at being completely useless and stare as a horrendous sheep demon left the scene

"Ugg...I shouldn't have run so fast..."

"So...let me see if I got this: You left Alma all alone and she was kidnap just because you was in hot pursuit of a frigging book!?"

"Must....avoid...urge...to...kill...dumb....priest!!!"

And thus, Simon proceed to take the longest nap in existence

I would normally completely gloss over this book, but since I just decided to change the whole thing in favor of a decent narrative, I'm showing off this whole cutscene:

> Glosary:

> Oersted

> Legend of the Brave Zodiacs

> Germonik

> Simon

 

     I picked up the book that Simon gave me before his demise and flipped through the pages.

     The text was in an ancient holy script with drawings in place. It was damaged and hard to read.

     Then, I saw some words in a language I recognized. Somebody had written some notes in the "Ikoku language". Who could have done it?

     Judging from the ink, the older notes have several decades. But the newer ones were from days ago with the ink yet to dry. I realized Simon had been slowly translating this book over the years.

Oersted: Master of basic deduction

      ...I tried reading them by referring to his partial notes.

      It says: this is written by a follower of St. Ajora, Germonik...

      Then, it came to me: Germonik was the disciple who betrayed St. Ajora by selling him to the Yudora Empire!

Add some hearts and exclamation marks and you have every single fangirl in a fandom ever

      Calming myself, I turned the pages. Then, I found something more amazing than the historical legacy in my hands.

      I thought Germonik compiled St. Ajora's words in this book…But I was wrong: Is a record of St. Ajora's activities…But not the St. Ajora we know but Ajora as a human like us

You're on a roll with those deduction skills, eh Oersted?

      It was the golden age, when many airships flew all over the sky...

      The day his legend was born in Bervenia of Lesalia, he stood up, walked to the well  and said: “Calamity will come from this well soon. We must seal it so people don't drink the water”

      Days later, a plague swept over Bervenia and everyone who drank the tainted water died...Except for one family who believed him. Since then, people called him “Child of God”.

      When St. Ajora turned 20, he became a “Savior” and was sent to Heaven.

Because when the local jackass tell you something and it becomes true, you automatically turn him into an eminence. What a exploitable reasonable system they have

      A legend since the times of Yore was present at the time:

      Long before Ivalice was united, it was divided into 7 small kingdoms: Zeltennia, Fovoham, Lionel, Limberry, Lesalia, Gallione, Murond.

      As the kingdoms continued to increase their territories, the wars continued.

      In the several hundred years of war, an ambitious young king was born in Murond. Though he led an army large enough to cover the whole land, the way to victory was long and hard.

      Using a secret method from an ancient book, the king tried to summon an evil spirit to use its power…But the king was killed and the spirit tried to destroy the world.

      When all was lost, twelve followers of god, carrying sacred stones, joined forces to defeat the malevolent one and send it back to Hades...

      They were called “Zodiac Braves”: A group of holy warriors who would appear when the world’s crumbles, save it and disappear into the heavens

So in resume: The local madman decides to summon a demon for shit and giggles, unsurprisingly gets killed because YOLO, everyone's screw, twelve nobody with some colored rocks appear, then killed the beast by throwing stones at it, THE END. 

.......Doesn't sounds that amazing now  

      When St. Ajora was alive, the same story occurs: The King of Limberry summoned an evil spirit to take over Ivalice. The world once again fell into crisis.

      St. Ajora gathered 12 Holy Stones, and just like the legend, formed the Zodiac Braves and killed the evil one.

      But “Heroes” are always a nuisance to rulers of a country...

Why? Because they are way too devoid of evil to understand that every government/royalty is corrupted? 

      The Yudora Empire was afraid of Ajora who was gaining power, who announced the arrival of God's kingdom.

      Yudora’s King sent troops against his sects while The priests of Fara, the largest sect then, caught and executed him at Golgorand Execution Grounds after Germonik                                                   told of his whereabouts for money.

Germonik knows where the money is

      But St. Ajora was a “Child of God” and the priests were smitten by an angry God who drowned their congregation along the whole Kingdom of Murond into the seas…

I starting to get a feeling that EVERYTHING that happen on the land is attributed to god somehow.....

"Dad, our house is getting burned by a lighting!!!"

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT: YOU HAD THE SEX BEFORE MARRY SOMEONE!!!"

      And that's all I know. All anyone in Ikoku knows of the “Myth” of St. Ajora.

      I'm not a true believer in Glabados like Zalbag, but I believed that St. Ajora was a “Child of God” sent from Heaven to save this troubled world...until I read this book...

      The St. Ajora in the “Germonik Scriptures” was a totally different person...

      Ajora was not a 'Child of God', but a human just like us…An ambitious, revolutionary individual who fought to fulfill his dreams.

      Moreover, he loved peace and was not a  hero who risked his life for others.

      This is what Germonik wrote...

      “As founder of an advanced new religion, Ajora is a threat to the Empire. But Ajora has another side to him other than being a priest.

       He’s a spy who entered enemy territory, agitating the waters and gaining information.”

      “The empire, seeing this looming threat, sought my services to find proofs that Ajora was a spy.”

      “Ajora is trying to revive the Zodiac Braves and here are the stones to prove it…But, what does all that have to do with reformation?”

      “I don't know if young King Limberry really summoned an evil spirit. At least nothing is written about it.”

      “However, it is a fact that Murond met with a natural disaster and sunk into the sea at  the time of Ajora’s demise.”

So Germonik did an shitastic job trying to find out what the hell Ajora was scheming and yet they pay him up. Worst contractors ever

       This is where Simon's notes were most interesting…They appeared to be his personal opinion:

      "Despite rumors of its existence, no one ever saw the “Germonik Scriptures”. I don't know whether the book tells the truth or fabricates Ajora's great achievements..."

      "When I was a heresy examiner for the church, many examiners felt afraid to show people the book…Maybe because everything the book said was true."

Or because you stole an important document and tried to exposed it to the world without any kind of confirmation of what it says

      "After Ajora's death, the church had to unite St. Ajora with God making him divine.   To do that, unsuitable facts had to be deleted from history so Ajora could become “Child of God”

      “They were wise to use the Zodiac Brave story, widely believed in Ikoku. It was easy for people to believe the Zodiac Braves, led by St. Ajora, killed an imaginary evil spirit.”

      “When I read this book I lost my faith…But I'm not sad because inspired me to search for the truth.”

Simon: Non-believer but still assists the church every Sunday

      “At the same time, I'm guilty for not bring this to the public, even though I knew the  church was conducting a farce…”

      “Why? Because if I told about the book, they would take the library away from me.”

      “It would have been devastating if the library was taken away from me because it satisfied my thirst for knowledge.”

     “I guess…My curiosity got the best of me.”

WOW.....those porn mags must be really kinky if he didnt leave the whole building even if it was on fire. I hope SOMEONE doesn't suffer that kind of fate

      Simon spoke of “An imaginary evil”. But I sensed a scheme by someone other than the High Priest, after seeing the berserk power of the Holy Stones.

      I must put an end to this whole charade….But how?

I left that one on you: I'm gonna sleep. Night

I'm trying to unlock the advanced classes now. How to do that is an excellent question though

"Crap!!! that was too close. Those fuckers were about to touch my-"

"We met again my swore enemy. You must be wondering why I'm here now"

"I'm Wiegraf"

".................."

"Ex-Leader of the Death Corps"

"................."

"I almost choke you to death!!!!"

"................."

"...............I'm Miluda's brother"

"Ohhhhhh, now I remember. So.......are you here for revenge?"

This is basically the same as CH1 except that you must kill everything. Minotaurs will confuse/berserk your dudes with their clubs, Behemoths are glass cannons, that squid is there because Emmy needed another enemy and finally Wiegraf will destroy anything that it touch if he care to use sword skills

Those losers decide to read while fighting, thus falling into sleep

Dang, I hope he doesn't do anything horrible like praise on Wiegraf

Did you know that Sacred boost also affects Auto-poyion, thus making it a Full heal per activation. #NerfGreninja

I like how unfair can be a Morbol when attacked by counter with effect spore

Moxie will tear apart my whole team if I don't think of something

That or Bad bracelet could win the whole fight for me. That works too

And with Wiegraf KO, I get creative and give each of his henchmen a fitting death:

Xena hits the floor after inhaling Ovelia's farts (I knew it was a good move to gave her potluck and eggs this morning)

Meanwhile, Alexis and Mestrole get stoned and transfer to my museum 

Next up we have Ortia, who got healed so hard that it went all the way around and kill her

Finally: Oersted decides to read Twilight, which cause a severe aneurysm to poor Eratoss. That's fucked up, man

And down he goes.

Darn it, they got Alma!!! Although, we know for a fact that both Simon and Alma are so useless that they would immediately give themselves out despite the fact one is a sturdy Morbol and the other a Beoulve (renember guys: women are worthless until 2000 onwards. Agrias got lucky I guess)

Well, that's some mindfreak shit going on there

"Why....would you help......a commoner like me?"

Hey, you got something in your.......jaw?

After several minutes, Oersted finally overcome his plot contrivance syndrome and draw his sword

Good going there, buddy: Now we have an oversized goat (Who can talk BTW) hurling around the world trying to sink into a era of despair. This can only end well, folks

Is has been a long time since Oersted did some magic tricks:

Learned skills:

=Agrias=

<Ranger>
Voracity: Heals 1/4 of damage deal on the target (In case of several target inside an AoE attack, just the one mear the center of the attack will trigger the passive)

"No, you!!!"

"No, you!!!"

"No, you!!!"

"No, you!!!"

"No, you!!!"

"You know what? fuck it, let's bust some balls people"

This map is my favorite in this chain of battles since the enemies will come at you per waves and you don't want them to gang bang your units without lube. The goblins will reach you first so they must be deal with ASAP, then Izlude will reach up and cause havoc across the board to finally let those pesky mimes do the cleaning. What makes this into a time race is those new enemies over there, which I will detail shortly

The bird itself is actually quite easy to deal with, but annoying if left alone too long (as every single chocobo)

Mustadio decides to use eye gouge to avoid unnecessary pain in the future while Agrias just turn on her tankiness 

Damn, Oerstsed has been hitting the library: Just look at those numbers

Reraise comes in and now you can guess those Movers true objective: Those are here to buff the loving shit of the enemy forces and unlike most battles, we have essentially FOUR enemies doing PA boosting every turn so status effects are a go here

Berserk an Confusion are the best candidates to get some breath in this messy place: While you're not disabling the enemy, you are cutting out their ability to escape your attacks, thus rendering this battle as a simple test of "How much you know about sandbagging?"

And really do try to bring someone with reraise because each one of them will essentially become one punch man (Also, lulz at that glitch over there)

Here I come to realize that Murglis would rather been replaced by Dusk since outside of Divine intervention he's just there and of course Dusk would tear them apart with foul play (uses enemy's PA to calculate damage). But hey, live and learn to immediately forget the second you hit tv

Agrias sure knows her priorities

Izlude tries to save his friend from robbery by murder her ass out of cold blood. What a nice guy

And he got AIDS from it!!!!

Izlude is finally all alone (Movers you say? Well those are cheering from afar I guess)

God knows I needed that berserk to land of him because otherwise he would delete the party by just looking at it

"(Insert speech about noble blood and power here)"

Excuse me? Your dad only signed the peace treatment, so stop pulling shit out of your ass

Because you see: Ajora's ideal world is one where most of his citizens are horrible abominations of nature and furries/tentacle rape is a common thing everyday

Well, I cannot say he's lying: We just dropped like half his army coming this way

IDK you guys, but I would totally trust the guy who use apostrophes in a compromising response

Some burns later.............

"You left behind those creeping things"  

"Hey handsome: What me to show you a special dance?"

this new equipment does give you a lot of wacky strats, alright:

Learned Skills:

=Oersted=

Monk:
Repeated Fist: Bypass Defenses
Zen Headbutt: Holy elemental attack
Mind Shield: Reduces damage by 50% when your MP is at max. decreases as you lose MP (1% per 2% MP lost)

The plot is as weak as vanilla, so let's focus on the gameplay

This is a nightmare: These bodybuilders over here can tank physical hits while also blocking regular spells via reflect, so better get creative. Taijus are there to patch up, squids to fill you with status effects and the chocobo is a running gag at this point

The chocobo starts strong by going straight into my team, just to get inmediately stopped by Oersted

 OH GAWD: Those things are using steroids!!!

That's how I like my squid: extra crispy

The team get haste just before everyone begin drop out like dorito and flies. 

I move Agrias into the aqua rake directed to my tiamat in order to heal her while at the same time revive the poor thing after the smack. However, I used Darvos with Merton to heal him beforehand, thus everything gets cancel out in the end

another one bites the concrete and I exploid the Ogre's apocalypse because Darvos was meant to die anyways. You see: Apocalypse serves as Flare star except that is basically a AoE lifebreak that strike both parties, thus making units with it into quite a pain in the ass....except that you can move your cards and actually swipe down everything in your path, including said enemies

Like so

The chocobo finally gets free from the status

But unfortunately, Oersted is a prick and he gets stoned

Let the games begin.......

A good option to put these killjoys down is someone on critical hp with Endeavor and another unit following up with anything (except earth attacks)

Some time passes and Tauroneo decides to bring another for the ride

SHIT!!! He shrug an arrow to the face. Guess we have to use plan B

Also know as: BLOW THEM AWAY!!!!

Is he searching the stones or he loves the horoscope that much? Find out next time!!!!